NLP Practitioner Singapore: Personal Development

While many people choose to learn NLP due to its awesome persuasion skills, often people miss the point in being a certified NLP practitioner.

The idea behind NLP is the ability to get you to become a massive modeling machine. You learn, adapt and enhance your skill and knowledge further. Most people simply deem the NLP practitioner certificate as a qualification alone. In fact many people are touting NLP as the way to success.

While I don’t dispute it can help people with success, it has gotten sickening to see that there are people who use it like a magic silver bullet. Most of these people don’t even know what the entire system of NLP is in the first place. Hence, their methodology is skewed to one direction, causing students to be unable to use NLP beyond a narrow set of skills.

Becoming an NLP practitioner is about hunting down useful skill to improve one’s abilities and become more powerful in achieving results. But that’s half the story. You can also maximize the use of such tools to make a difference in the world.

I’ve seen highly inflexible and intolerant so-called NLP practitioners. Even at a crossroads of choices, some choose the safe path while being critical, nasty or even rude. I think the job of an NLP practitioner is to elevate the standard of flexibility in working with self first. If you can’t get yourself under control and check your own ability to open up, consider new possibilities and achieve new goals, then what’s the point of learning NLP?

Key point is this: keep within a learning group that is diverse and celebrates changes and improvements. Often, without this kind of culture, learning ceases while people think more of themselves than they really are. There is social myopia.

Expose yourself to more opportunities to manage yourself and your experiences. If this means getting yourself to do something uncomfortable, then do it. It will merely be a matter of time before it becomes the new norm and you can look back realizing you have learned and grown.

If all that NLP does is to do this, I think you would have added a lot of value to the world, starting from the people closest to you.

NLP Techniques For Inducing Flow

To set an impossible goal-of-your-dreams is easy. Taking the next step should actually be easier. But most people let procrastination kill the step after that.

Instead of doing that, learn to build momentum. Momentum comes in being in the Flow, a concept pioneered by positive psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (wow I managed to spell that right first time around).

Flow is a state of completely focused motivation. Some people have problems accessing this very powerful state. In experimenting with strategies to induce states of flow, I have found that a few things work very well.

#1 – Finding out what kinds of things let time seem to “fly past”. Often, it is a series of behavior that is outcome oriented and driven by some sets of skills that you enjoy using.

Usually, skilled individuals who do not set goals effectively tend to “fall” into flow by accident.

#2 – The ability to go “internal”.
Most of the time, we spend our waking hours looking at things around us, often being lost to the environment. The ability to go “internal” allows us to be caught up with the flow of our inner thoughts.

Usually, people don’t have a good balance of “internal” time, and hence end up looking stoned all day long. Most effective flow states are an internal series of high speed images, focused on a very narrow set of themes. That is, if the images contain many different theme, you will probably end up being distracted, even if you might find that time flies past.

#3 – “Bending” time.
Sometimes, people accidentally fall into a state where time seems to slow down for split second. Often, this is when you are immersed in your senses. You have a combination of internal and external activity, merged to achieve a target.

#4 – A challenging goal that you strive toward.
In my experience, challenging goals (with a few caveats) often lead to a state of flow. However, it is also my experience that many people don’t set the goals appropriately. It is important for goals to be challenging but yet “strivable”, out of reach but only just slightly. This approach typically works well with those who already have a relatively high confidence level, compared with those who have no confidence.

I’d recommend using state management strategies as well as time distortion induction patterns to create Flow states, then anchor the Flow states in order to make it effectively accessible.

NLP Training – Dealing With Shame

In the pursuit of goals, I have always reminded people to ensure that they set clear goals. However, when things go awry, it is our resilience that will help to keep us going. The unfortunate thing is that some people do not have that resilience for moving forward any more than some people can’t run a marathon.

A marathon is actually an apt analogy. Anyone can run a marathon, and we don’t care if we can’t make it. But when it matters, a lot of people tend to become attached to the goal. It’s almost like the emotion of guilt is manufactured once that goal is set.

The approach to NLP is a very humanistic one. In order to achieve your goals, you must first ensure that you adapt, be flexible and create changes inside of yourself in order to achieve your goals. At the same time, there is no part of the formal NLP literature that talks abut emotional handling of shame.

Here’s what I would suggest.

Look at the things that generated guilt and shame for you, and acknowledge that part of you that has brought this attention to you.

Then, follow this feeling to the core.

Once you are able to follow this feeling to the core, you will discover interesting things about the origins.

In most of our lives, busy as we are, it is essential to take the time to stop for a moment and pay attention to ourselves. In NLP, this is commonly known as self-calibration. Ultimately, when you are blinded by the external world, take some time to regain “in”sight.

Guilt is a powerful emotion because it reveals lessons you have to learn in order to become stronger and more powerful. The only reason why guilt/shame stands in the way is because of limiting beliefs that prevent you from getting past the fact that you failed. In reality, you took action. Action merely begets feedback.

Take the core feeling and acknowledge what it is saying to you. Once you listen clearly and honestly you will be better able to understand the reason for it’s existence and use it to move forward toward your destiny.

NLP Training: Why Personal Development

Most people make the mistake of thinking that NLP is about influence, when it really is a personal development instrument. Because of its value in personal development, a serious student of NLP in training has to consider three things in their journey to be trained in NLP.

#1 – What New Skill Should I Learn?

This is a fundamental question. All NLP Practitioners should know about basic modeling and understand the implications of modeling on any aspect of personal development such as learning, communicating, leadership and the like.

#2 – What New Beliefs Should I Adopt?

I remember after learning about NLP, I focused a lot of energy on the subject of learning, so that I could learn faster. Then I discovered I had a deficiency in terms of the kind of beliefs I had about leadership and public speaking. I set out to do more of that by changing my old, limiting beliefs about leadership and public speaking, hence allowing me to use NLP to expand my skill and expertise in that area.

#3 – What Results Will I Achieve?

This really is a question about your outcome. If you so choose, you should actually achieve anything you want. However, most people are unaware that many goals that are set according the “SMART” goals formula does not work in accordance to empirical evidence. It is important to utilize NLP as a means to be clear about and to achieve goals. Results, after all, are more important as proof of performance than just feeling good about something.


NLP Phobia Cure Technique: The Truth Behind It

I’ve been looking around the internet and can’t believe the bunch of bull that people are putting on the net regarding the Fast Phobia Cure. There’s a lot of amateurs out there who don’t really know what they are doing.

NLP is a way of getting you to be resourceful by learning how to build and handle your own emotional cocktails. Not everyone has the ability to do that and it requires flexibility because every technique that is built for a specific issue in NLP was modeled by someone else.

What you might find is that the Fast Phobia Cure happens to work well for people who have never learnt how to dissociate. Originally, you will find this technique called the “V-K Dissociation Technique”. Conversely, there are some people with what psychologists call a “dissociative disorder” who actually are competent in dissociation and don’t really need this technique.

Essentially, though, not everyone will go through the technique like a textbook. Unlike the claims made by some websites that this is a powerful therapeutic technique, this technique needs to be tailored in order to fit the needs of the client. And of course is not a replacement for therapy. It works nicely with regular people. But you know that humans aren’t the same across the board. We have our own quirks and complexities, so it takes an experienced individual to be able to detect these differences.

Use with caution, preferably with an expert you trust!

Step 1: Find a resourceful place. Anchor that.

Step 2: Float into a place where you can experience the phobia at a distance. If conducting this, also preframe the process and anticipate reactions of your client.

Step 3: See yourself in that place. Apply submodality mapping techniques utilizing states of intense humor and unstoppable confidence.

Step 4: Test the emotional intensity. If too high, activate the resource.

Step 5: Float back into the actual experience and test. Has the fear disappeared? If not, map the submodality from other representational systems until the fear disappears.

Step 6: Future pace.

Step 7: Physical test. Bring the real stimulus and have the person test on the real situation as best as possible.

NOTE: I highly recommend that if you have not gone through formal training as a psychotherapist or in NLP, you do not attempt this on someone who has an actual phobia. It takes a wee bit more than just these 7 steps. 🙂

How To Deal With A Quick Tempered Partner

NLP is not a therapeutic process, and isn’t a psychological approach. It is a way of enhancing your resourcefulness and enjoying life. If someone is interested to discover how NLP is used, they can find so in many, many ways.

One such way is personal development. I’ve found NLP to be a great skill in developing better relationships by understanding how people communicate, for example.

In this case, how can you deal with someone who is quick tempered? The simple way to find out is to know that person well. Identify the triggers to that behavior. Very often, quick temper is triggered off by a variety of factors. Your job, if using NLP, is to look for resourceful emotions to completely counteract those (we call that collapsing anchors).

  1. Find the triggering event. It could be a person’s voice, a particular situation or a particular sound, maybe even a combination of all of these.
  2. Reframe these events before they happen. This is important – you don’t want to wait until it occurs then do “NLP stuff” because you’re training the brain. And the brain does need time to react and adapt!
  3. Associate these triggering events to different emotions. Once you have completed step 2, it would be easy to associate triggers to a different emotional state.

Here’s a word of caution, though. If you want to handle someone quick tempered, you may also want to consider if you are the trigger sometimes. Are your listening skills up to par? do you know what your partner needs? If you are able to listen and put your own self out of the way sometimes, it can help! To help you build those skills, you can approach a relationship coach who can then guide you a long.

Learn NLP: Emotion Management Technique

A lot of people tell me that in the spur of the moment they aren’t able to deal with emotions that are overwhelming. I thought about it and figured that I’d been in that position myself several times but managed to cope.

There are two ways to do this, but the easiest way is to utilize a verbal trigger to get you into a dissociated mode, something like a personal code. A phrase like “What’s going on” can help. This forces you to get some awareness. If another person responds to you in a negative way, saying “where is this person coming from” or “what is this person’s highest positive intent” can also dissociate you from just purely reacting and assuming negative things about your interactions.

This, however, requires you to assume that people have a positive intent behind any behavior. This is a basic presumption that to hold in order to make this works.

Emotional Management Technique

Step 1: Use your internal verbal trigger.

Step 2: See yourself floating out of your body and above the situation like a “helicopter view”.

Step 3: Ask for the highest possible purpose or intention for this situation or event. Step into the shoes of that person and go out into the future considering what outcome they want, or what possible good can come out of the situation.

Step 4: Consider new possible responses in light of the positive intention and re-associate into your body.

Learn NLP – Success And Prosperity

First of all, let me state what might be a little obvious here – many people aren’t driven by success. They are driven by failure. So, if this post kind of gets you wondering why I am talking about money as it relates success and prosperity, it’s not my intention to say that success and prosperity is ONLY about money.

Welcome 2008!!! / Bienvenido 2008!!!
Creative Commons License photo credit: pasotraspaso

Okay, disclaimer over. 🙂

Let’s look at using NLP for creating wealth and prosperity. I’ve observed that there are a number of people who appear to be wealth and prosperous who have certain characteristics about them. There is a certain path through which they travelled to arrive at the destination of “success”.

I had written before that “mastery” is not just about skill and that it really is about perseverence. The idea that hard work really gets a person to achieve their goals sometimes eludes people.

The other thing is that most of these people don’t consider it hard work. They actually enjoyed doing the things that they did. They were obsessed with doing the work they had to do.But, how does one obsess about something they have no passion to do?

Well, it brings to mind moments in my life where I had little passion to achieve something. When I was much younger, I hardly had the motivation to get things done, let alone finish my homework in school or prepare for examinations. Because I hadn’t taken much of it seriously, I didn’t have much of a focus for anything.

It seemed that learning how to play the piano was easier for me to do than to submit my homework on time. I didn’t improve because I was “driven”. I merely made a “wish” to get what I wanted, and I did. It was less about “pain” than it was about making a decision, even though I admit that pain is sometimes a useful way to drive oneself toward success. Some people, however, don’t know how to do this, and end up filling themselves with bad emotional states that drive them but also make them sick.

I find that people who are successful overall have a nice blend of success in many areas of their life, particularly in relationships, money and health. I find this particularly intriguing. It no longer is a balancing scale of two sides, but three. Of course, it means there is potential to make this idea more complex – what if we had 4 or 5 balancing poles, etc… but I’m not going to go there yet.

So it begs the question – what really causes someone to drive their health, wealth and relationships? I believe it is the way in which we make decisions on a regular basis.

I suspect that you know how to stay healthy already. It simply takes exercise. Sure, additional strategies can help you to develop your body properly, but you really just need to keep your body exercised. Even if you don’t know how to exercise, you could probably do some research or ask someone.

I suspect that from reading, you already know that you have to create wealth through multiple streams of income, through prudent spending and the like. Even if you don’t have strategies to run a business or trade, you know you can learn these things from people who do know.

I even suspect you know how to create a loving relationship. It’s the way you communicate, and yes, even if you don’t know how to do it, it’s not that tough to learn – by communicating with your loved ones.

So does it mean that success and prosperity is all about action? It seems pretty simplistic, right? You might even question the purpose of this article.

But I think at a deeper, fundamental level, this is what everyone wants to hear – that there is something more than just action. Ever tested an action plan? Maybe you were really good at starting something but never was able to follow it through. Maybe that’s the issue rather than motivation.

In other words, we know that people who succeed are able to sustain their effort over a period of time.

Ask yourself: how long have you been able to sustain an interest enough to become good at doing it? Has there ever been a time where you were able to keep doing something (exercise, diligent work, effectively listen to others) over a sustained period of time? Why?

This sounds even more simplistic, doesn’t it. It implies you haven’t been doing enough. But when I look at people who don’t sustain their progress, it becomes a tell-tale sign that there’s something else at work here. If you don’t do what you are supposed to do, what do you do instead? Is this where all your attention has gone to?

Remember – while we enjoy doing certain things because we prefer it, does not mean that we should be allowed to indulge in that. Whenever we have no time/money/relationships, it’s likely that we did not create enough space for them and keep track of what did exist in the first place.

I think that to be driven to do something, you need a very strong reason. You need to have access to the “why” and that usually can sustain you. What do you want to achieve? How clearly can you see yourself doing it for the next few years? How much better can you get at doing this?

As you create a clear mental picture about what you want to get, it might even be good to review the reasons why this is so important to achieve. Even if it isn’t, make an excuse and consider how bad it could be for you and the people around you if it isn’t achieved. This is a basic propulsion system as described by NLP. Emotions, as it seems, can drive us to move in the direction we want once we notice the importance of that outcome – the reasons why.

By driving the process into an unconscious habitual mode, we need to first of all believe that what we want to achieve is compelling and worth doing, and that we can do it. This is the basis of the belief change process as described in NLP as well. All you need to do to make your beliefs more compelling are to explore how other beliefs of yours became compelling and follow the same process that you did previously: literally, self-modeling. When I doubted I was a good speaker, I realized I was constantly comparing myself with other people. When I shifted, I discovered that I stopped making those comparisons and started focusing on the people who were in the seats. For me, believing in myself was more of looking at someone’s need and helping them to reach their goals, than a popularity contest of who’s better.

If you believe you can handle your life well across those three areas, it is likely you will produce the relevant results. If you find these areas important, you will find yourself obsessing about them so you can achieve positive results. Once that happens, working hard at life becomes a passion rather than work.

Learn NLP: Becoming Happy

There are a lot of unhappy people in the world, aren’t there.

What happens in your head when you’re unhappy? You think something isn’t right, or someone else should do something for you but didn’t – you basically think of things that are not going your way.

You may then make a conclusion that you’re not happy.

Well, actually, happiness is not what happens to you. Happiness is an emotional state derived from neuro-chemical changes in your brain. It’s based on the mental representations you build (see ‘submodalities).  The level of happiness is not created as a result of having something, well, at least not necessarily anything tangible.

So, think of all the things that you want. Imagine as vividly as you can that you are already living that life. How does that feel? Good? You could then say you are “happy”.

But some people will say that when they wake up from that dream, they become sad again because they are in a reality where they know that their imaginings will never come true!

Isn’t that sad! I mean, not sad that their dream will not come true, but to have an absolute believe that where they are and where they imagine are two different things or places.

The fact is, if you imagine yourself feeling happy, you already go there. The main issue is not whether you feel happy or not, but rather the expectation that you have to feel happy all the time. And true enough, we are all creatures of habit. The less we think about being happy, the less happy we become. We are also emotional masochists sometimes. We ruminate in bad feelings and are really good at feeling bad for no good reason. Don’t you know someone who can get upset at literally almost anything?

From a neurological perspective, what does that mean? Aren’t you rehearsing the same feelings, thereby begetting the same feelings? Neurology has discovered that when the brain fires the same patterns, they literally solidify and become easier to access. In other words, over 90% of the world’s population regularly trains their brain to make them feel bad.

Do I never feel bad?

Well, of course not. I’d rather just focus on the good feelings that I want to build and leave out the rehearing of bad ones. It doesn’t mean I’ll ignore the bad feelings, because bad feelings can also be signals. I mean… if I feel lots of pain, then it’s a signal that I have to attend to. If I’m stepping on a bear trap, I can’t just ignore the pain. I attend to where the pain is, and then figure out how to remove the thing that’s causing the pain.

To ensure you keep triggering happy thoughts, you need to build for yourself a reminder system. What are your successes? Who cares about you? What can you do that others can’t do? What makes people feel you are special?

As you build a mental database of these items, imagine if everything in your life just reminds you of these things. Even the worst of problems help you to connect to the mental database of great things happening in your life.

Most of the time, human beings forget that there are good things that have happened in their lives. We forget that even the time we could tie our shoelaces was a triumph, let alone learning to walk or swim or make friends. We take for granted these achievements, then say that life is bad.

Instead, we need to remember. We need to learn to re-connect ourselves with moments in our lives that matter, even for a split second. Even if it no longer matters today (lollipops may have mattered at age 5 more than they do now).

Travel back in time (see ‘timeline’) and associate in the moments of your success and happiness. If you do that everytime you open your eyes, turn on the TV, argue with someone, open a door, write an email, start your car… anything can remind you of the other side of you. Simmer in those good feelings for a while before you start your day!

Learn NLP: Fear of public speaking

I decided to just write my thoughts about public speaking, especially for people who are preparing for it, and wonder why they have the heebie-jeebies.

Let’s first of all say that it’s normal to feel anxious about public speaking. But what’s more important is that it is an indication of how much confidence you’ve built in yourself.

I don’t want to swing over to being too overconfident, because I know when I’m overconfident I tend to screw up a presentation. If I’m to cautious, the same result occurs. I need a nice balance of confidence and anxiety to be able to create the best environment for me. Richard Bandler calls this situation a “propulsion system”.

Think of what you want, then build the feelings deeply inside of you and begin to enhance those feelings of confidence.

At the same time, a bit of anxiety (not overwhelming like a level 10 type of phobia, but more like a level 1 kind of questioning – did I cover everything) can help. Explore the anxiety again, and notice what level of that feeling you have. If it is too strong, reduce the intensity of the feeling with submodalities.

The most important is not the feeling, but the belief. Confidence comes from a sensation of belief that you can do exceptionally well. Look at your submodalities. How compelling and real are they to you? If they aren’t, just make it compelling by enhancing the submodalities you see them in.

The progression I made from an embarrassed child to confident speaker would have been faster if I had known this much earlier. Give it a shot and explore using the submodality checklist here.