How To Deal With A Quick Tempered Partner

NLP is not a therapeutic process, and isn’t a psychological approach. It is a way of enhancing your resourcefulness and enjoying life. If someone is interested to discover how NLP is used, they can find so in many, many ways.

One such way is personal development. I’ve found NLP to be a great skill in developing better relationships by understanding how people communicate, for example.

In this case, how can you deal with someone who is quick tempered? The simple way to find out is to know that person well. Identify the triggers to that behavior. Very often, quick temper is triggered off by a variety of factors. Your job, if using NLP, is to look for resourceful emotions to completely counteract those (we call that collapsing anchors).

  1. Find the triggering event. It could be a person’s voice, a particular situation or a particular sound, maybe even a combination of all of these.
  2. Reframe these events before they happen. This is important – you don’t want to wait until it occurs then do “NLP stuff” because you’re training the brain. And the brain does need time to react and adapt!
  3. Associate these triggering events to different emotions. Once you have completed step 2, it would be easy to associate triggers to a different emotional state.

Here’s a word of caution, though. If you want to handle someone quick tempered, you may also want to consider if you are the trigger sometimes. Are your listening skills up to par? do you know what your partner needs? If you are able to listen and put your own self out of the way sometimes, it can help! To help you build those skills, you can approach a relationship coach who can then guide you a long.

NLP Techniques: Rapport Building

NLP is very commonly associated with rapport building techniques. Well, let’s get some things right – rapport building techiniques were modelled in the therapeutic arena, but can be easily mapped across to other areas in life.

There are several areas to pay attention to. Rapport building is really a process of creating similarity. So, remember this mantra: increase similarities, reduce differences. To test if someone is in rapport with you, you simply need to make yourself slightly different (e.g. change your posture) and you will realize that others are actually “following” you.

Creative Commons License photo credit: barto

The Law Of Similarity is actually the main reason behind this. If you didn’t realize, our body is controlled by the same regions in the brain. If we carried similar postures, we would experience similar feelings and possibly even see similar mental images.

We can create similarity in the following areas:

  • Posture
  • Facial expression
  • Muscular tension
  • Gestures
  • Lower lip size
  • Facial blush
  • Eye movements
  • Tone of voice
  • vocal Inflectional patterns
  • Predicate patterns (sensory language)

Actually, each of these has a specific training approach to it. We all have representational systems (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) and we tend to interpret the world through our senses. Hence, we need to develop proper calibration skills in order to be better at observing people in order to build similarity in body language, tone of voice and the words we use.