Laid Off? Then Lay Out Your Plans

It’s common for people during a recession to end up feeling hopeless and fearful of the uncertain future. In a situation like this, all you really need to do is to begin this simple process of evaluation and goal setting.

  1. Were you fired because you were overpaid? If so, it might be because you’ve not been able to add value to the organization relative to what you were being paid. It may also mean you have reached an income scale that doesn’t make sense for an organization to keep you. You might need to start out on your own, if you dare.
  2. What kinds of useful skills do you have? Make a list of the skills you have developed. Would anyone hire you to use your skills? Can you confidently say you have a valuable set of skills that the market will value? If not, you really have to start over by developing a new set of skills. NLP can help you develop those skills faster through the process of modeling.
  3. How are your life skills relative to your work skills? If you have great work skills but have never developed your life skills, it’s even more imperative for you to make plans for this.

Now, start building your plan.

  1. Create a vision for your future. What is your intended lifestyle? How do you want to live your life? Put yourself there.
  2. What resources do you need? Resources such as your skills, the appropriate emotional state, the skills that prevent your weaknesses from overwhelming you, etc.
  3. When are you going to develop or model those resources? You need to set a time frame for you to build those resources. Write these down and visualize yourself after these have been developed. How different will your behaviors be? How different your results?
  4. Who are your role models? Of course if you are going to model these skills, assuming you already have the modeling technology at your fingertips, you need to know who you are going to learn from! You will need to be able to observe them and learn from them, engage them in conversations. They may have to be formal coaching relationships to be effective in many instances (i.e. get ready to pay your way to develop the skills). Or else, you could develop accelerated learning skills and read widely to developed the expertise.

Learn NLP To Find Oneself?

My wife recently posed me this question: how does someone actually “search their soul” and “find themselves”? My reaction to the question was that they have to know themselves better.

Which, of course, begged the question, how does one get to know oneself better? Here’s what I think.

  1. Find time for yourself, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I know a number of people who are extremely uncomfortable with silence. You may finally get to hear what you really are thinking.
  2. Make a list of what’s important to you in your life. By doing this, it will assist you in knowing what your patterns of behavior are. Also, it is a good idea to do this regularly so you can ask yourself how you might have changed in the last few months. I’d recommend you make this list, file it, and re-do this every 6 months or after every major accomplishment or setback.
  3. Make a list of what makes you angry. By doing this, you get you know more intimately what affects you in the world, and definitely helps you understand (2) even more.
  4. Challenge yourself to neutralize reactions, in place of responses. If you find that you have a problem controlling your emotions, then set a target to put yourself in the most aggravating position possible, then test out new reactions. You might actually surprise yourself with your versatility!
  5. Find out if what you think makes people happy actually makes them happy. We are always thinking from our own perspectives, that we might even think that whatever it is that we like is what other people will like. Well, think again. I just found out recently, that some people don’t really like creative ideas, and in fact find it far-fetched and insulting to their “practical” intelligence. Woah! Never knew that.
  6. Understand what people value about you. This will help you understand your contribution to the world, thereby making you understand your merits for being in this world.

Hope this helps at least a bit. Oh, and if you find some lost soul out there, do remember to quote them this page.

Job Layoffs, Revitalization And NLP

Job layoffs have obviously hit people very hard this year. Millions of jobs have been cut leading to a variety of different problems. First, with human resource caps on hiring, there are fewer jobs now, left only to the elite and those who have superior skills or connections. Second, leftover employees will take on the burden of stress of the mess that their colleagues left for them after being laid off. Third, the increase in fear and anxiety in a bearish economy leaves little for people to look forward to.

Single GloveCreative Commons License photo credit: Chris Harley

Perhaps, this is the best time to get revitalized. Most of the people in the world today are afraid of losing their jobs. Well, make yourself layoff-proof. It’s simple. You merely need to pick up the right skills that will keep your learning capabilities at their best, and enhance your overall understanding of the world around you.

Even if you do get laid off, job layoffs are as common as the flu. Just get over it by proving your own worth and build your own portfolio.

Learning NLP in times like these will definitely help. After all, most of the things I’ve been teaching on this blog have to do with some of the essential traits that make someone employable:

  1. Persuasive capability
  2. Emotional management
  3. Personal peak performance
  4. Communicating with other team members clearly
  5. Reframing to view problems as potential opportunities
  6. Creativity and innovation that releases personal genius
  7. Modeling and how you can pick up literally any skill and capability you want

I actually do see NLP as a way out for some people, and a cutting edge tool for the rest. Learn more NLP, so that when push comes to shove, you will be better equipped to manage the savagery of job layoffs anytime.

Depression Help… From NLP (tadah…)

I’ll bet you encounter depression once in a while. Or, you might actually be someone who has been battling depression for some time. Maybe you have someone you’d like to help.

Next DimensionCreative Commons License photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Whatever the case, the perspective I’d put on this is that depression is normal. Yes, can be debilitating, but it’s normal. Millions of people go through it. Some people get out of it faster than others.

In recent days, especially after the announcement of major job losses in America, I’ve seen a surge in people seeking depression treatment or depression help. Somehow, many people are in a bad spot and just don’t know how to go about helping themselves.

To get out of a spot of depression, you’ll have to acknowledge that:

  • what you are going through is not your regular self;
  • it’s good to get out of the feeling of depression;
  • if you’re not doing something, you have too much time to think about things that are going wrong in your life.

Most of the time, depression comes about from inner thoughts and connections. You might not know where those thoughts came from. It’s often due to a response from observing (although unconsciously) the world around you, and then the propogation of lots and lots of thoughts associated with that.

If you have trouble expressing yourself, it might cause you to think “wait, let me sort out my thinking first, then speak”. But that might simply aggravate the sensation of depression, anxiety or anger. Or worse, all of them.

NLP has a model known as submodalities. By learning to shift our mental images, we get to change the experience we have in our head. For instance, making an image brighter or darker in our minds can help to reduce or increase the intensity of a feeling.

Test it out.

If you look at an image of yourself depressed, how about making that image brighter or darker? Which direction works for you? Then keep doing it!

Of course, it’s not easy for someone to do this who has never done it before (I know some children who do this very well, though). It’s about mental flexibility and the ability to see different perspectives. If you are able to shift your perspective, coming out with alternative, healing mental images is going to be easy.

This process, in NLP, is known as reframing. Putting on different lenses and seeing from someone else’s perspective can help you to put things in context.

If you need to process your thinking, though, drop me a message and I’ll see if I can help. 🙂

Buying experiences, not possessions, leads to greater happiness

Can money make us happy if we spend it on the right purchases? A new psychology study suggests that buying life experiences rather than material possessions leads to greater happiness for both the consumer and those around them. The findings will be presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology annual meeting on Feb. 7.

The study demonstrates that experiential purchases, such as a meal out or theater tickets, result in increased well-being because they satisfy higher order needs, specifically the need for social connectedness and vitality — a feeling of being alive.

“These findings support an extension of basic need theory, where purchases that increase psychological need satisfaction will produce the greatest well-being,” said Ryan Howell, assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University.

Participants in the study were asked to write reflections and answer questions about their recent purchases. Participants indicated that experiential purchases represented money better spent and greater happiness for both themselves and others. The results also indicate that experiences produce more happiness regardless of the amount spent or the income of the consumer.

Experiences also lead to longer-term satisfaction. “Purchased experiences provide memory capital,” Howell said. “We don’t tend to get bored of happy memories like we do with a material object.

“People still believe that more money will make them happy, even though 35 years of research has suggested the opposite,” Howell said. “Maybe this belief has held because money is making some people happy some of the time, at least when they spend it on life experiences.”

“The mediators of experiential purchases: Determining the impact of psychological need satisfaction” was conducted by Ryan Howell, assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University and SF State graduate Graham Hill.

Job Loss In America – What Learning NLP Can Do

I’ve probably personally known more people fired around the world and especially in Ameria in the last two months than all the other years put together. This is what the Speaker Of The House Of Representatives in the US posted on the Speaker’s blog.

How to Overcome DepressionCreative Commons License photo credit: kevindooley

And so I have a dilemma. Should these people have been fired? Is it good for people to get fired? Or would it be better for them to have not been fired?

I do know that being fired is a painful experience. It causes disruptions in life, creates stress due to the uncertainty of the future, and surfaces many dissatisfactions.

If you’ve been fired, you really need to go out there and get your life back.

The first thing is to ask yourself what your market value is. It’s all nice and dandy to point at the people who caused the fiancial debacle and say it’s their fault. It’s even more important to focus on what you can do instead. To increase market value, you really need to increase your expertise.

Developing expertise can help you eliminate future job loss in the future. It shows you have added value and a large proportion of people are willing to hire those with advanced skills even if they get fired.

So, I’d highly recommend:

  1. Manage your state. If you are in the “mourning” stage of your loss, give yourself a limit, then start looking forward.
  2. Select a skill to build. You need to know what is important in your marketplace. Chances are, these skills aren’t the technical skills. They usually are the life skills such as NLP (hint, hint), leadership, presentation skills and the like that you have to master and increase your personal branding. Sometimes, these skills (for instance, NLP) can help you to build a pathway toward your new business, but you will definitely need to learn how to establish yourself as an expert, and then to have the right credentials (such as being licensed) to teach those skills you have mastered yourself.
  3. Pick a series of books. Don’t just get one book or two, that would be like dabbling! Pick up a series of 20 or 30 of the top books in that area, so you can really get a depth of knowledge there. Oh, and in order to learn this, you may have to develop some speed/accelerated reading techniques to digest them fast and still understand and remember what you’ve read.
  4. Build your portfolio. Test yourself by proving that you are competent in those areas. You create your own key performance indicators, and find a way to prove it. Leadership can be proven through project you create and run, say, in a volunteer organization. Presentations can easily be proven through a Toastmasters meeting. Add this to your list of achievements, and you’ll find that you continue to build competence while upping your confidence.

Not sure what to learn? Then I’d suggest you pick up NLP skills because it will improve your modeling skills so you can adopt any new skills you choose!

Incidentally, if there were a skill you wish you had, what would you want to learn? Drop me a comment below.

How NLP Expertise Helps You Be A Better Life Coach

I know a large number of people who are life coaches who don’t even have mentors themselves. I think this is pretty irrational, because I seek out a small group of people who can then mentor me and keep me on my toes.

If you’re wondering how in the heck you find such people, I’d suggest you pick up NLP. Since NLP is all about the process of modeling, it will open you up to see who could be a suitable role model and mentor for you.

No more going by “gut feel”. All it takes is for you to pick up some solid NLP modeling skills and build your awareness for mental processes and hidden genius. This is where you can better ascertain who should be there to help and assist you.

I’d particularly suggest that you pick up the following core skills:-

  1. The psychology of environmental triggers and submodalities… and how these affect excellence
  2. Values modeling
  3. Social Magic (TM) and the process of connecting
  4. Backtrack frame
  5. The Meta Model (which, unlike what most other practitioners think, is NOT about questioning skills… it’s a MODELING tool, dang it!)
  6. Modeling by Metaphor – powerful stuff which requires an understanding of feature analysis and Identity Modeling
  7. Neurological Levels – unlike the other stuff listed, this wasn’t developed by me but by Robert Dilts and Judith DeLozier.

How To Forgive Using NLP

Okay – this may seem to be a bit of a shift in territory to most of the regular readers. After all, what has forgiveness got to do with NLP?

Well, if you remember the things I’ve been emphasizing, NLP is a modeling methodology. Forgiveness is a cognitive and behavioral pattern that can be repeated, and while most people see no need to forgive, I think that is probably not true.

I’ll take the concept of ‘responsibility’. Not many people actually know what to do when disappointment hits them. Sometimes, we are disappointed by people, sometimes by ourselves. In many of my seminars, I teach people the concept of taking responsibility, and it gets mixed up with two things.

First, people tend to use the statements against other people. They say “you should take responsibility” or “you’re not taking responsibility”. This is not the way you use the concept or principle of responsibility because this, ironically, shows how much you are not taking responsibility yourself. Conversely, when I say you have to “take responsibility”, I’m using it in the technical sense of the word, rather than using it as a blaming tool.

Second, it seems like some people take to heart that because the word “responsibility” has certain connotations, they think they have to “blame” themselves, or that they were somehow at fault.

Don’t get me wrong, the technical definition of responsibility has nothing to do with blaming or finding fault. Instead, it should be an internal quality you consider yourself. Could you have done something else to create an outcome that is more suitable for you?

The concept of responsibility also comes with the tagline called “choice”. I believe it is the single most important power we have as human beings and while you may feel you did not have a choice in certain cases (and I believe that could be true), I trust that it was a decision not to have a choice in the first place.

When we say “I’m sorry”, it tends to be heavily associated with the feeling called guilt. If you are asking for forgiveness, it must mean you feel or are guilty.  You want to make amends. You want to recover from regret.

On the other hand, what happens when you think you are right? What happens when you tell yourself that it’s someone else’s fault that things went wrong? That it’s got nothing to do with you?

The former indicates that you want closure and wholeness. The latter indicates you wish for distance and segregation.

We know that seperation, rejection and distance actually creates emotional pain that activates the same brain regions as real physical pain. And unless you think that’s healthy, it probably would be a good idea for you to seek closure.

How would this take place?

If someone caused you grievous harm, would you be able to forgive that person? At first look, it seems like it’s impossible and I think I know the reason why.

Look at society. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, where we return tit for tat. It’s an eye for an eye! Still quite primitive and most people do this for protection purposes. When have you actually seen, spread in the media, people actually espousing forgiveness as the road to recovery or healing or success? I’d dare say very seldom. The media attacks failure – no, it literally sensationalizes failure through its attack on failure.

On the other hand, it never glorifies people who are seeking forgiveness in the world, and somehow, that doesn’t seem to draw very much press. I’ll bet to most people in media, violence grabs more attention, but forgiveness is boring! It’s like shark attacks. Sensational. Draws readers with shock and awe. Yet, coconuts cause greater danger and more deaths than sharks.

We have many role models for criticizing others. We have so few role models for forgiveness. Well, allow me to introduce you to one such role model. Watch this video closely.